How to Calm Your Inner Thoughts

[caption id="attachment_84" align="alignleft" width="300"] This chimp may not be a monkey, but he knows what's going on.[/caption]

An "Ah ha" moment.

I realized something very interesting about myself recently and I want to share it with you because I know that this will also apply to many of you. But before I get to my realization, I want to give you a little bit of back-story. Bear with me here, I promise it's relevant!

A while ago, I was lying in bed unable to fall asleep, despite it being nearly 1am. This is typical for me - this difficulty falling asleep. I don't have insomnia or any other condition that prevents me from sleeping. My problem lies squarely on top of my shoulders, in the region centered between my ears. It seems that my brain just doesn't want to shut off most nights. This monkey brain jumps from thought to thought effortlessly and often.

That night, my fiance just happened to be awake still (despite having to wake up at 6:30am), so I started chatting with him about random stuff. This usually happens when he has been unfortunate enough to not fall asleep right away. Poor guy. Then he asked me such a simple question, which he has asked me many times before:

"Why do you always start conversations in the middle of the night? We sit on the couch, you're quiet. We go to bed, you're a chatterbox. What's up with that?"

For the longest time, I always told him something along the lines of "This is just when stuff occurs to me." But that night, something clicked in my head. Suddenly, the answer was crystal clear.

My monkey brain runs rampant at night because that's the only time I let him out of his cage.

Think about it.

What happens when you come home from work and let your little puppy out of her cage? She runs wild with excitement, wanting kisses and hugs, and a trip to the bathroom more than likely.

What happens to little kids when they first step outside after being cooped up inside on a rainy day? Or that wondrous moment when the final bell rings on the last day of school before summer vacation? The only word to describe what happens, is chaos.

So what makes our thoughts any different?

With all of our gadgets, electronics, TV shows, sports, and hobbies, we're doing everything in our power to silence our inner thoughts. Whether this is intentional or unintentional, it has a huge impact on our lives, and ultimately, our identities. When we suppress our thoughts, slowly we begin to lose touch with ourselves.

If we're trying to forget about something bad in our lives, or some traumatic event, suppressing our thoughts can help us out for a short while, but what happens on one extreme, tends to happen on another. As we ignore our negative feelings, we ignore our positive feelings. Sad becomes less sad. Happy become less happy. Essentially, we can become little more than a robot, going through the motions of our day, but giving little thought to our actions and experiences. In essence, we stop feeling. We stop living.

And so, in unguarded moments, when we have nary a thing to distract us, our brain reacts much like the puppy the moment she is sprung from her metal cell. It's trying to set loose as many thoughts as it can, because it knows it only has a limited amount of time with our undivided attention.

Going beyond the distractions

So now that we know what's going on, we have to decide what to do about it. Below is a list of simple things that you can do during your day to increase your awareness of not only your thoughts, but of your surroundings as well. Don't feel like you have to implement all of them at once - feel free to pick and choose. But over time, you can slowly add more of them to your daily routines. I know that they have certainly helped me to relax more, think more creatively, feel much more happiness and contentment, and oh yeah, fall asleep quicker.

1. Take a mental time-out. Take a few moments to stop what you're doing, whether it's work, watching television (commercials are great for this), or browsing the internet, and just simply be. Sit still, take a deep breath, and let your mind go where it wants to go. Don't restrict your thoughts, nothing is off limits. Imagine that you are in a river and your thoughts are the water. Go with the flow. Feel free to daydream if you like.

2. Don't be afraid of the "bad" thoughts. Hard, painful, and sad thoughts are exactly what they sound like - and they can hurt like the dickens. But we can't be afraid of them. We can't live in fear of thinking of something that makes us sad. Don't force yourself to think of them, but don't prevent it either. Remember, good can't exist without bad, happy can't exist without sad. To have one, you must have another to compare it to.

3. Pay attention. Mindfulness seems to be a hot word going around these days, but it's not just a fad. It's an absolutely essential tool in our lives. As kids we got report cards to monitor our progress. As working adults we get employee evaluations. No matter what you call them, they both accomplish the same thing - being mindful of our situation and our progress. Imagine trying to drive from Miami, FL to Seattle, WA for the first time, without a map or a GPS, and simply driving by "feeling" (oh and no asking for directions!). It would be pretty hard, right? You'd be just as likely to end up in Mexico as you would Washington.

• Keep track of what you do in a day. Write it out.


• Make notes of when you're distracted and when you aren't.


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  Notice how much time is spent on distractions and see what's left over. It shocked me to discover that bedtime was the only time I wasn't doing "something".

4. Leave your distractions at home. If you're going to work or an appointment, or maybe a meeting, just leave the distractions at home. I know that if I have to go somewhere and wait for a long time (like the doctor's office), I like to bring a book or my laptop with me. But once in a while, skip it. Just sit there and wait. Allow your mind to entertain you. If you have to do something, then find something to do that doesn't require "doing" anything, like taking a walk in the hallways or outside.

Your turn

What is your biggest distraction? Think about how much mental free-time you give yourself. Does the answer surprise you? Let me know in the comments.

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Photo courtesy of Meneer Zjeroen