This is the final part of the Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness, a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life. If you missed it, you can catch up by reading Part 1 , Part 2 and Part 3.
Habits are huge. They are a part of almost every aspect of our lives, often going unnoticed until something happens that makes us take notice of them.
When we aren't being mindful, habits take over, and we are essentially running on auto-pilot. But by being mindful, by paying attention to each moment, we can reclaim the Captain's Seat.
Habits aren't bad, but they can be bad for you.
Habits can seem like a contradiction to mindfulness as habits are, by definition, something that you do so often that they are almost involuntary. But a habit can also be simply an behavior that is done regularly, such as brushing your teeth.
Why is this distinction important?
Because the first definition involves no thought, no purpose. That kind of habit is simply a reflex. But an active mindfulness practice can take an involuntary habit, and turn it into a much healthier mindful habit. This means that you still brush your teeth like you always do, but instead of absently brushing, you're focusing on the strokes, noticing the minty tingle in your mouth, feeling your teeth getting clean, and knowing that you are keeping your body healthy.
Create New Habits
Just as mindfulness can enhance current habits, it can also be used be used to create new habits in place of old, unhealthy habits.
1. Pick just one
Pick one habit that you want to create or modify. Don't attempt to change 5 habits at once. It will be too overwhelming. Keep in mind that it doesn't matter what habit you pick. It could be to continue your mindfulness practice (which I recommend!) or it could be to floss every day, or take your lunch to work, or drink 8 glasses of water. Mindfulness can be used in any area of your life.
2.Start with the basics
Set a goal for your new habit. Then follow the simple steps that you learned in part two of this guide to begin enforcing that habit in a mindful way.
3. Track
It is vital to pay attention and track your progress. So many times I've tried to make drinking 8 glasses of water each day a habit. Each time, I get going, I'm doing really well at getting them all in. And then I get comfortable. I start to trust my intuition and stop tracking. And before I know it, I'm back to square one. It has been said that it takes 21 days to create a habit. I'm no scientist or psychologist, but I'd like to amend that statement a little. I think it depends on the habit. If this new habit was created to break an old one, it can take longer. It really depends on how much you want this new habit in your life.
4. A little help
They say it takes a village to raise a child... well I say it takes a village to change a behavior. So many of our behaviors are tied to the people in our lives - be it social drinking or smoking, eating out, or even negative self-talk.
If you're trying to cut the habit of eating out for lunch, let your co-workers know so that you can pick a place that isn't going to compromise your goal. The company we keep says a lot about us. Make sure yours says something good.
5. Tools
In the beginning it can be very hard to remember your habit (because it isn't a habit yet!). Practicing mindfulness will help a lot, but it's okay to get a little help when you're just starting out. Below, I've listed some free tools that you can use on your computer or your smartphone (or ipad) to help you track and remember your habit.
Note: None of these are affiliate links. I will not gain anything if you click the links. I'm simply sharing a few tools that might help you.
- 21Habit: This is the program I'm currently using, and I love it. With 21habit, you pick a habit that you want to create. Then you give them $21, one dollar for each of the 21 days it takes to create a habit. Each day you are successful with your habit, you get a dollar returned to you. Each day you fail at your habit, one dollar is donated to charity. They have a free version as well.
- Success Log: A free app that lets you track anything you want. Allows you to analyze your data so you know exactly where you stand.
- Joe's Goals: A very simple free website for tracking your habits/goals. Just click to add or remove check marks. Allows for multiple goal tracking, and the ability to track negative actions as well.
What habits are you working on now, or which will you begin? Have you ever used a tool to help you track a goal or a habit?
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Wow, 21Habit sounds like a great incentive indeed! I've gotten pretty good at habit-forming in the past few years, but there are still those habits that, as you said, I get complacent about, and then they start falling apart... what would help is probably some advice on how to keep it up when you feel overwhelmed and unrewarded in the short run, which I think has been my issue. Visualization? Accountability? I seem to need something more...
ReplyDeleteMargaret, you make a very good point. For now, I was primarily focused on getting a new habit started/changed and get momentum going. I'll revisit habits with a follow up post soon. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Kim,
ReplyDeleteThe first two short paragraphs of this post could easily be the abstract of a doctoral thesis. That's a compliment by the way. :)
Way to finish strong on the wrap up of a quality series. I'm trying to add a big habit into my life this year and so far I've failed. That would be doing body-weight exercises at least twice a week. And I'm also trying to kick the habit of sugar, seeing as how I'm addicted to eating it. I've made some progress on it, but that one is more nebulous and not subject to a lot of the rules of something more traditional like exercising.
Thanks Joel! Your compliment humbles me. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for your habits, try once a week and see if you make that a habit and then go for twice a week. Small steps!
Oh sweet sugar *stares of into the distance* ahem. Yes, I quite understand this addiction! One bite at a time...
Hi Kim,
ReplyDeleteThese are great ideas accompanied by cool resources! Thanks so much! Your blog is really looking great!
I'm with you on it taking more than 21 days to create a habit.
ReplyDeleteI've been home and hosed many a time only to have something in life interfere then have to get back to the drawing board.
I have found that mindfulness has helped me get back on track. The mental training of bringing myself back to my breath when my mind wonders has trained me to get back to the habit when life wonders.
I am finding that I am now far more inclined to do this where previously I saw myself as a failure and gave up.
Thank you Bobbi!
ReplyDeleteThat's a big step, Priska! Being able to get out of that "all or nothing" mentality is huge. Way to go!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to admit how many years it took me to make flossing my teeth a habit... I have a couple of things I'm working to make habits now. I've found I need a very strongly identified Point B destination fixed in my mind to remind myself why I undertook this habit in the first place. It helps combat all those little voices that try to say, "I don't want to" "I don't have time" "I can skip just this once" "This habit isn't as important to me as I thought it was". What was I hoping to accomplish or how was my life going to be better or different or healthier by adopting this habit? Present self often needs a kick in the butt with those reminders. :-D
ReplyDeleteSomethings we want as habits... but the reward isn't enough to encourage us to make the effort. So, you're right, you have to have a clear end in mind and want it enough to work for it.
ReplyDeleteHi Kim:
ReplyDeleteThis is my first visit here - and it turned out to be a timely one.
It just so happens that I'm trying to eliminate some bad habits and replace them with some positive ones right now.
I really enjoyed the post - especially the resources. That section alone earned a bookmark. Very useful information. Thank you!
Thanks Gary! I'm glad it was able to help you. And I love how things happen like that - they find you just when you need them!
ReplyDeleteI'm so with you that the 21-day rule does not always apply. Some of these habits we're trying to break or replace took a heck of a lot longer than 21 days to become so entrenched. For some of us it might be more than 21 years! I think that's why its so easy to lose ground. And you've nailed another point as to the reason why - the company we keep! If you can't get the people around you on board to support you in your habit change, well then you're facing a far steeper challenge.
ReplyDeleteHard to say what the solution is in that case - short of changing who it is you surround yourself with. And they do say that you are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with. In that light, I think a key to cultivating new habits is to surround yourself with people who already practice the desired habit.
Great stuff!
When I first heard that idea - that we are the total of the 5 people closest to us... I was blown away. It was very much a "lightbulb" moment. I was like "Wow, now I'm really getting somewhere!" - with figuring myself out that is.
ReplyDelete"So many times I’ve tried to make drinking 8 glasses of water each day a habit."
ReplyDeleteSometimes habits are hard to stick, because there's a part of your mind that's not really convinced that it's necessary. At least for me, I've realized after the fact that I didn't have a well-thought, congruent reason for wanting a new habit.
In all the other cases, your tips have come in handy! Visually tracking and starting small have been the most useful tricks.
I agree that the 21 days thing is a simplification. Depending on the task, a habit can form as quickly as within a few days (e.g. smoking), or take several months (e.g. being more compassionate).
This is my visit and really enjoyed this post. I am ALWAYS working on eliminating som,e habits or creating new ones. This was an excellent article regarding the "mindfulness" of habits. One recent one is that the dentist told me I brushing my teeth way too hard and I should begin mindful brushing to soften my touch. Your article was perfect timing.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, sometimes to make a habit stick you have to have a real reason for it. Like say, doing something because you think you should do it... not because you really want to do it. Those habits never get anywhere.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Jane! I'm happy these tips are helpful to you!
ReplyDelete