Easy Mindfulness Techniques (Beginner's Guide to Mindfulness Pt 2)

This is part two of the Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness. This is  a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and I provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life. You can read part one here.

Last week week I talked about mindfulness and it's benefits. This week I'll go into mindfulness a bit more and share some simple techniques that will help you easily incorporate the practice into your daily life.

Step 1: Pick a time

If you completed last week's homework, then you're already done with step one. If you skipped the homework, or you missed it, your task was to pick a specific time that you will set aside to practice. If you haven't done this yet, go ahead and do it now, I'll wait.

Did you do it?

Your time should be time specific and should be the same each day. Remember, even just 5 or 10 minutes a day is enough to start out with. You want to start out simple because you don't want to become overwhelmed.

 

Step 2: Practice

There are many, many ways to practice mindfulness. This list is meant to serve as a sampling of basic techniques, and is by no means an all inclusive list. Remember: start small and work your way up.

60 Seconds of Breathing

This can be considered the "bare bones" of mindfulness as practically all forms of mindfulness are extensions of the breathing practice.

Find a place you can be still, with zero distractions. Turn off the the TV. Close the laptop. Put your phone on silent (It's ok, it's only 60 seconds!). It doesn't matter if you're sitting or lying in bed. Go ahead and get comfy.

Now focus on your breathing. Don't try to change it, just notice it. Is it fast or shallow? Is it deep or slow? Are your breaths even, or do they change from breath to breath? Is is coming from your chest or your belly? Does the air feel cool or warm? Are you breathing differently at the end than you were at the beginning?

If you'd like, you can set a timer to alert you when the minute is up. Keep in mind that this is deceptively simple - It's easy to do, yet difficult to master. Your mind is likely to stray after even 5 or 10 seconds. When that happens, just notice the thought, but don't focus on it, and direct your thoughts back to your breathing. Continue to redirect your thoughts back to the breath each time, remembering not to judge. It is normal for your mind to stray several, or many times during this exercise, even though it only lasts 60 seconds. With continued practice, you're mind will have an easier time focusing and will stray less often.

Eating

Considering that two-thirds of the American population is overweight, mindful eating can become a super-tool to add to your mindfulness toolbox.

How many times have you ate well past being full? How many times have you ate when you weren't even hungry? How many times have you eaten so quickly that you barely remember what the food even tasted like?

Mindful eating helps you to slow down, pay attention, and savor each moment and each bite.

Note: If you cook the food yourself, you can begin these steps while you're preparing and cooking the food).

Before you take your first bite, look at your food. What does it smell like? What colors and textures do you see?

Notice how your body reacts. Do you feel extra saliva in your mouth? Are you feeling excited or anticipation to taste the food?

Take a bite. How does it feel in your mouth? Is it chewy or soft? Salty or sweet?

Ask and notice. Repeat for each bite. If your mind wanders, bring it back to the food.

How hungry are you? Stop just before you are full.

I must admit that I used to think that this was overkill. I thought, "Seriously? Every bite?" So, I only half-way did it. I can't tell you how many times I went back for seconds because I inhaled my food so quickly, I hardly even tasted it. And because I ate it so fast, I wasn't satisfied - which, of course, left me wanting more.

When I slow down and savor each bite, I find that not only do I eat less, I feel much more satisfied with the meal overall.

Awareness

This is a fun one!

In this technique, we'll be picking a place to sit, and simply become aware of our surroundings. While the previous two techniques are very narrow-focused, this technique gives your mental focus a little more freedom and wiggle-room.

For beginner's, pick a location that is slower, with a little less hustle and bustle. A quiet park, or a restaurant during non-busy hours would be great. If you live in the city, or a suburb you could also sit on your porch. The goal is to pick somewhere that has activity, but is separate from you. Pick a place where you can easily observe what is going on, but not have to be a part of what is going on.

If you already practice mindfulness, feel free to pick a place that has more activity, like a Starbucks, or just use the places listed above, but move closer to the action.

Begin with mindful breathing. Notice your breath. When you have random thoughts, bring them back to the breath.

Now close your eyes. What do you hear? Are the sounds nearby or faraway? What do you feel? How hot or cold is it? Is there a breeze? What do you smell?

Use your senses of touch, hearing, and smell to paint a picture in your head. Don't judge what your senses tell you, though. Just notice.

Open your eyes. Now use your sight to notice the rest. What do you see? Are there kids playing? People rushing by?

Do this for as long as you like, but aim for at least 5 minutes.

Step 3: Repeat

To get the most out of mindfulness practice, you actually have to practice it! Pick a schedule and stick to it. It'll be second nature before you know it!

Next week, part three of the guide will show you how to use mindfulness to help with negative emotions and situations, like impatience and worry. Look for the post next Tuesday!

What techniques are you most excited to try? In what area of your life do you think mindfulness will be most helpful?

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How to Fight Fear and Win

[caption id="attachment_170" align="aligncenter" width="300"] This isn't me, but it's cute![/caption]

Speak Up

About 2 weeks ago, my fiance and I were on our way back from visiting my dad. He was driving, and I was looking through the CD album we keep in our car (And yes, to all of you downloader's out there, disks do still exist!) and I pulled out a CD by one of my favorite artists, Sara Bareilles.

I looked at the pictures in the CD insert (which I do from time to time), noticing, with a pang of jealousy, the tiny and cute nose stud in Ms. Bareilles' nose.

For years, I had wanted one, but never got one.

I had my reasons:

• I'm too old (I'm 28, but felt that piercings are more for teens and early 20 somethings )


• What if people hate it? (My ex said they were ugly)


• My job (not allowed at work)


• What if I hate it? (that would suck)

But that day, I happened to show the picture to my fiance. I told him, "I want this."

His response?

"Ok, lets go."

And just like that, we dropped the kids off at his parents house and headed over to a popular tattooing/piercing shop.

A mere 30 minutes later, I walked out of that shop sporting a teeny little stud that almost looked like a piece of glitter.

I'll save you some time... Yes, it hurts. Yes, I'd do it again.

It was a spur-of-the-moment decision and I'm very happy I finally did it. 

But it got me thinking about those reasons that I hadn't already done it. Looking back at them, what do you notice? They are all coming from a place of fear.

And it's no bueno to give in to fear. 

I mean, really? Who cares how old I am? Who cares if someone else doesn't like what I do with my body? If I hate it, I can take it out!

The job was the only semi-legit reason on the list, but since I left my job, I can no longer use that as an excuse.

Locate the source.

And then crush it.

When I started thinking about my excuses fears, I began noticing a pattern.

I was worried about what other people would think of me.

I wasn't being true to myself. Not even close.

I know that we're all taught to "go with the flow" or "don't make waves" (or which ever water related analogy our parents chose), but this isn't- can't be- the way to live a happy life.

We have to stop thinking about what someone else thinks. 

Your source of fear may be the same as mine, or it could be completely different. But the truth, is that it doesn't matter what it is, it matters that you know what it is. Because then you can begin to fight back.

It's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to fight an unknown enemy.

Make a list.

Right now, get out some paper, or Word, or your phone, it doesn't matter.

Make a list of the reasons you aren't doing something that you really want to do. List them all. Don't leave anything out.

Now look at your list. How many reasons excuses come from a place of fear?

These are the ones you really need to pay attention to.

Give your list a reality check

I want you to go through the items on your list, and for each one, I want you to write down why it's a lie. And you know that's what it is - a big fat lie.

I'll even give you an example. Say you want to lose weight. Your list might look like this:

Excuse: I'm too old/heavy/slow to exercise.

Reality: No, you're not. There are many people older, heavier, and slower than you exercising right now.
Excuse: What if people laugh at me? What if people think I look dumb? What if people don't accept what I'm doing?

Reality: Forget about other people. You aren't a business, these people can't buy stock in you. They don't get a say! Only your opinion matters.

Excuse: I don't have time. I'm too busy.

Reality: You like to think you are, but you aren't. Working out and eating right, simply isn't a priority. We make time for the things that are important to us!

Excuse: What if I hate exercising? What if I hate this food? What if it bores me?

Reality: Then do/eat something else! Experiment. Learn. Getting something wrong means you're learning what doesn't work -- which is just as important as knowing what does work!

Believe in yourself

Fear limits, paralyzes, slows, detracts.

Jumping takes you places. Doing opens doors. Flying sets you free.

Don't want to walk? Then dance!

Your turn

What fears have you given in to in the past? What fear are you going to give up? Discuss in the comments below. 

 

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Photo by Michelle Schaffer

What is Mindfulness and Why Is It Important? (Beginner's Guide to Mindfulness Pt 1)

As I'm sure you noticed in the title, today's post is part one in the Beginner's Guide to Mindfulness. This will be a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and I provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life.

What is Mindfulness?

To put it simply, mindfulness is being aware. But in reality it's so much more than that.

Being mindful means:

Paying attention with intent - This means that you are aware for awareness' sake.  You choose to pay attention, to be alive, to be nowhere but the current moment. For each mindful moment, there is no past and no future - only now.

Being non-judgemental - This is acceptance. It simply means that you are aware of your thoughts and surroundings, but you decline to interpret what your senses are telling you.

Essentially, it is you saying,  "Yeah, I know you're there. So what?"

Asking questions - Questions are one of the most important aspects of mindfulness. This is where awareness really comes alive. It means the difference between knowing that you're eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and being aware of the crunch of it between your teeth, tasting the sweetness of it on your tongue, and so much more. To fully experience mindfulness, you ask yourself all of the who/what/where/etc questions for each of your senses. What does it smell like? Who is around me? What sounds do I hear?

Next week, I'll talk a lot more about each of these.

What's so Important about Mindfulness Anyway?

I feel that mindfulness is an essential part of any self-discovery journey, and lots of experts, like Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, feel that it's absolutely necessary. There are even adaptations of mindfulness for many of the worlds major religions, so for most of us, religion isn't a reason to not practice. But, regardless, it's a pretty awesome self-discovery tool, that if used on a daily basis, can awaken you to parts of yourself you never knew existed.

The benefits of mindfulness:

Greater awareness - With mindfulness, awareness is key. It's the step (and the benefit) that unlocks all of the rest. As you get comfortable with the practice, you'll become more aware of your surroundings and your feelings, which will allow you to make better on-the-fly decisions and to more thoroughly enjoy life.

Better understanding - Not only will you gain a better understanding of yourself and your specific triggers, but you'll also be better able to understand others and their reactions too. We tend to be much more accepting of negative events and behaviors when we know why they're happening in the first place. And of course, with understanding, comes the ability to change.

Lower stress levels - When you're not worrying about anything, you aren't stressed. Worry manifests itself in so many ways: fear, anger, resentment. And these negative emotions are just our way of not accepting something in our lives. Essentially, mindfulness leads to acceptance, and acceptance silences worry. It's a win-win if you ask me.

More enjoyment - When you aren't consumed with stress or thinking about what happened yesterday (or what will happen tomorrow), you can actually begin to slow down and enjoy life. All we have is this moment, right now. The now is where we live and every second you spend in the past or future, is a second of life you have wasted. The present is the only time that truly exists for us.

Look up the word present in a dictionary — you won't find the words "speculation" or "memory" in the definition, I promise you.

Deeper sense of peace - There is a definite feeling of peace that comes with a daily practice of mindfulness. When we can filter through the stress and negativity, we can find ourselves able to enjoy life in a much deeper way, enabling us to relax into the feeling of simply being alive.

Homework

This week's homework is easy, but it's super important, so don't skip it!

Pick a time to be mindful, and be specific. 

Examples:

• I'm going to be mindful for 5 minutes while I'm brushing my teeth each morning.


• I'm going to be mindful for 10 minutes while I wash the dinner dishes each day.


• I'm going to be mindful while I each lunch each day.


• I'm going to be mindful while I'm in the shower/bath tub.

Right now, pick a time that isn't full of distractions. We want to start off easy, so pick a time that you won't have people or things vying for your attention.

Share with us in the comments below. What time did you pick? And have you ever practiced mindfulness before?

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SMART Goal Setting Techniques (And a Few Dumb Ones Too)

Change + Goals = Success

I had been considering this post for a while, but hadn't gotten around to writing yet. And I've noticed a lot  "goal talk" lately with my friends and online. So when I read an article written by a friend about how to get what you want, I took it as a sign that I needed to go ahead and actually write the post.

Disclaimer: The information here isn't new, and I can't claim rights to the S.M.A.R.T. acronym (that goes to George T. Doran), but I've seen so many people struggle with goal-setting that it bears repeating.

Since you're reading this, it means that there is something in your life that you aren't quite happy about. Something that you want to change. Something that you feel isn't quite "you". And changing a part (or several parts) of your life requires a goal. You have to decide what you want to change, and then figure out how to do it.

But there tends to be a major gap between the amount of goals we set for ourselves and how many of them we actually achieve. Anyone who has ever made a New Year's Resolution only to renege on it two weeks (or days) later, know's exactly what I'm talking about. We get an idea, we're filled with enthusiasm, we make a plan (or not), and we get going just long enough to fall flat on our face.

It's not you - It's your plan.

"I just don't have any follow-through." or "I'm a real procrastinator." or "I'll never make it."

I can't tell you how many times I've heard these excuses, and I can't tell you how many times I've used them in the past. I'd need a few extra arms and legs to count them all on my fingers and toes. But the truth is that failing to meet your goals comes down to two reasons: Your goals are simply not the priority that you claim they are, and not having a realistic vision of your goals.

Priority, is a post all on it's own, so today we're focusing on the latter - creating goals that you can actually achieve.

What's so smart about goals anyway?

S.M.A.R.T. is a lovely little acronym with meanings that vary depending on whoever is talking about it, but generally it stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable  Ambitious, Relevant, and Time specific. I'll go into each in more detail below, but as a rule, your goals need to meet all of these requirements in order to be valid.

Specific

Ambiguity will get you nowhere! Your goal must be drilled down to it's basics in order to be achievable. What do you want? How will you get it? Will you need help? When is your deadline? You have to think about every aspect of attaining your goals, including how to get there, and what "there" looks like. Which brings me to...

Measurable

Your goal must be measurable in some way. A goal that isn't measurable is like playing Tetris on unending mode - you keep racking up score, but you never "win". You have to set clear definitions of what success looks like, otherwise, you'll never know when you're there. Imagine going on a road trip, but there are no road signs, no maps. You can keep heading in the direction you think is right, but if you don't know what you're destination city looks like, you'll either quit before you get there, or you'll drive right on by never the wiser.

Ambitious

The original meaning here was "attainable", but I prefer the less used "ambitious" as it really requires us to go into ourselves and earn our achievements. Do you feel empowered after tying your shoes in the morning? No, because it's easy. You know you can do it with your eyes closed. Your goal shouldn't be extremely difficult either, but it should present you with a challenge.

Relevant

You can get pinpoint specific with your goals, but if they aren't relevant, they aren't doing to do anything for you. If you want to lose weight, but don't want to gain muscle, then pumping iron in the gym 3 days a week isn't a very relevant goal. Same goes if you want to learn how to, say, ballroom dance, but you sign up for a hip-hop class. Bottom line: Your actions must line up with your end goal.

Time-specific

I want to visit Italy someday.

Someday is the ultimate killer of goals. Someday is really just  secret spy code for never. A great goal needs a deadline. If your boss told you he needed the weekly reports done "whenever you get around to it", how long would it take you to hand him the reports? I'd say it would take a lot longer than if he said he needed them today.

Whether the deadline is a one-time thing, or a daily, or even an hourly thing, the fact remains that people push themselves harder when something is at stake, and the perceived "failure" of not meeting a deadline is a strong motivator.

S.M.A.R.T. Goals vs Dumb Goals

Okay, so maybe your goal isn't dumb, but if you don't put enough thought and effort into creating a goal that fits the S.M.A.R.T. guidelines, then your goal might as well be dumb, because it isn't going to get you anywhere. So, I've listed some examples below of some common ill-formed goals, and a few ways to SMARTen them up.

Dumb goal: I want to lose weight.

S.M.A.R.T. goal: I will lose 10lbs in 3 months by exercising for at least 30 minutes a day, 3 days per week; by cooking at home at least 6 days per week; and by drinking at least 8 glasses of water each day. I will seek out support from my friends and family when I need it.

Dumb goal: I want to lose my temper less.

S.M.A.R.T. goal: I will practice mindfulness daily by setting aside 10 minutes twice a day (8am and 8pm) to sit in mindful awareness. In addition, each time I become aware of anger and frustration building, I will step back and mindfully assess the situation, before it can get out of hand. I will practice thinking calming thoughts and remind myself that lashing out will not change the outcome.

Dumb goal: I want to start meditating.

S.M.A.R.T. goal: I will meditate immediately after waking up in the morning for 30 minutes. I will have any equipment I would like to use ready, and easily accessible, so that I can not make excuses in the mornings.

Your Turn

What are your goals right now? Share in the comments below. This is a great time to practice your S.M.A.R.T. goal format!

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Photo by Carnie Lewis

How to Calm Your Inner Thoughts

[caption id="attachment_84" align="alignleft" width="300"] This chimp may not be a monkey, but he knows what's going on.[/caption]

An "Ah ha" moment.

I realized something very interesting about myself recently and I want to share it with you because I know that this will also apply to many of you. But before I get to my realization, I want to give you a little bit of back-story. Bear with me here, I promise it's relevant!

A while ago, I was lying in bed unable to fall asleep, despite it being nearly 1am. This is typical for me - this difficulty falling asleep. I don't have insomnia or any other condition that prevents me from sleeping. My problem lies squarely on top of my shoulders, in the region centered between my ears. It seems that my brain just doesn't want to shut off most nights. This monkey brain jumps from thought to thought effortlessly and often.

That night, my fiance just happened to be awake still (despite having to wake up at 6:30am), so I started chatting with him about random stuff. This usually happens when he has been unfortunate enough to not fall asleep right away. Poor guy. Then he asked me such a simple question, which he has asked me many times before:

"Why do you always start conversations in the middle of the night? We sit on the couch, you're quiet. We go to bed, you're a chatterbox. What's up with that?"

For the longest time, I always told him something along the lines of "This is just when stuff occurs to me." But that night, something clicked in my head. Suddenly, the answer was crystal clear.

My monkey brain runs rampant at night because that's the only time I let him out of his cage.

Think about it.

What happens when you come home from work and let your little puppy out of her cage? She runs wild with excitement, wanting kisses and hugs, and a trip to the bathroom more than likely.

What happens to little kids when they first step outside after being cooped up inside on a rainy day? Or that wondrous moment when the final bell rings on the last day of school before summer vacation? The only word to describe what happens, is chaos.

So what makes our thoughts any different?

With all of our gadgets, electronics, TV shows, sports, and hobbies, we're doing everything in our power to silence our inner thoughts. Whether this is intentional or unintentional, it has a huge impact on our lives, and ultimately, our identities. When we suppress our thoughts, slowly we begin to lose touch with ourselves.

If we're trying to forget about something bad in our lives, or some traumatic event, suppressing our thoughts can help us out for a short while, but what happens on one extreme, tends to happen on another. As we ignore our negative feelings, we ignore our positive feelings. Sad becomes less sad. Happy become less happy. Essentially, we can become little more than a robot, going through the motions of our day, but giving little thought to our actions and experiences. In essence, we stop feeling. We stop living.

And so, in unguarded moments, when we have nary a thing to distract us, our brain reacts much like the puppy the moment she is sprung from her metal cell. It's trying to set loose as many thoughts as it can, because it knows it only has a limited amount of time with our undivided attention.

Going beyond the distractions

So now that we know what's going on, we have to decide what to do about it. Below is a list of simple things that you can do during your day to increase your awareness of not only your thoughts, but of your surroundings as well. Don't feel like you have to implement all of them at once - feel free to pick and choose. But over time, you can slowly add more of them to your daily routines. I know that they have certainly helped me to relax more, think more creatively, feel much more happiness and contentment, and oh yeah, fall asleep quicker.

1. Take a mental time-out. Take a few moments to stop what you're doing, whether it's work, watching television (commercials are great for this), or browsing the internet, and just simply be. Sit still, take a deep breath, and let your mind go where it wants to go. Don't restrict your thoughts, nothing is off limits. Imagine that you are in a river and your thoughts are the water. Go with the flow. Feel free to daydream if you like.

2. Don't be afraid of the "bad" thoughts. Hard, painful, and sad thoughts are exactly what they sound like - and they can hurt like the dickens. But we can't be afraid of them. We can't live in fear of thinking of something that makes us sad. Don't force yourself to think of them, but don't prevent it either. Remember, good can't exist without bad, happy can't exist without sad. To have one, you must have another to compare it to.

3. Pay attention. Mindfulness seems to be a hot word going around these days, but it's not just a fad. It's an absolutely essential tool in our lives. As kids we got report cards to monitor our progress. As working adults we get employee evaluations. No matter what you call them, they both accomplish the same thing - being mindful of our situation and our progress. Imagine trying to drive from Miami, FL to Seattle, WA for the first time, without a map or a GPS, and simply driving by "feeling" (oh and no asking for directions!). It would be pretty hard, right? You'd be just as likely to end up in Mexico as you would Washington.

• Keep track of what you do in a day. Write it out.


• Make notes of when you're distracted and when you aren't.


• 
  
  Notice how much time is spent on distractions and see what's left over. It shocked me to discover that bedtime was the only time I wasn't doing "something".

4. Leave your distractions at home. If you're going to work or an appointment, or maybe a meeting, just leave the distractions at home. I know that if I have to go somewhere and wait for a long time (like the doctor's office), I like to bring a book or my laptop with me. But once in a while, skip it. Just sit there and wait. Allow your mind to entertain you. If you have to do something, then find something to do that doesn't require "doing" anything, like taking a walk in the hallways or outside.

Your turn

What is your biggest distraction? Think about how much mental free-time you give yourself. Does the answer surprise you? Let me know in the comments.

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Photo courtesy of Meneer Zjeroen