How to Fight Fear and Win

[caption id="attachment_170" align="aligncenter" width="300"] This isn't me, but it's cute![/caption]

Speak Up

About 2 weeks ago, my fiance and I were on our way back from visiting my dad. He was driving, and I was looking through the CD album we keep in our car (And yes, to all of you downloader's out there, disks do still exist!) and I pulled out a CD by one of my favorite artists, Sara Bareilles.

I looked at the pictures in the CD insert (which I do from time to time), noticing, with a pang of jealousy, the tiny and cute nose stud in Ms. Bareilles' nose.

For years, I had wanted one, but never got one.

I had my reasons:

• I'm too old (I'm 28, but felt that piercings are more for teens and early 20 somethings )


• What if people hate it? (My ex said they were ugly)


• My job (not allowed at work)


• What if I hate it? (that would suck)

But that day, I happened to show the picture to my fiance. I told him, "I want this."

His response?

"Ok, lets go."

And just like that, we dropped the kids off at his parents house and headed over to a popular tattooing/piercing shop.

A mere 30 minutes later, I walked out of that shop sporting a teeny little stud that almost looked like a piece of glitter.

I'll save you some time... Yes, it hurts. Yes, I'd do it again.

It was a spur-of-the-moment decision and I'm very happy I finally did it. 

But it got me thinking about those reasons that I hadn't already done it. Looking back at them, what do you notice? They are all coming from a place of fear.

And it's no bueno to give in to fear. 

I mean, really? Who cares how old I am? Who cares if someone else doesn't like what I do with my body? If I hate it, I can take it out!

The job was the only semi-legit reason on the list, but since I left my job, I can no longer use that as an excuse.

Locate the source.

And then crush it.

When I started thinking about my excuses fears, I began noticing a pattern.

I was worried about what other people would think of me.

I wasn't being true to myself. Not even close.

I know that we're all taught to "go with the flow" or "don't make waves" (or which ever water related analogy our parents chose), but this isn't- can't be- the way to live a happy life.

We have to stop thinking about what someone else thinks. 

Your source of fear may be the same as mine, or it could be completely different. But the truth, is that it doesn't matter what it is, it matters that you know what it is. Because then you can begin to fight back.

It's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to fight an unknown enemy.

Make a list.

Right now, get out some paper, or Word, or your phone, it doesn't matter.

Make a list of the reasons you aren't doing something that you really want to do. List them all. Don't leave anything out.

Now look at your list. How many reasons excuses come from a place of fear?

These are the ones you really need to pay attention to.

Give your list a reality check

I want you to go through the items on your list, and for each one, I want you to write down why it's a lie. And you know that's what it is - a big fat lie.

I'll even give you an example. Say you want to lose weight. Your list might look like this:

Excuse: I'm too old/heavy/slow to exercise.

Reality: No, you're not. There are many people older, heavier, and slower than you exercising right now.
Excuse: What if people laugh at me? What if people think I look dumb? What if people don't accept what I'm doing?

Reality: Forget about other people. You aren't a business, these people can't buy stock in you. They don't get a say! Only your opinion matters.

Excuse: I don't have time. I'm too busy.

Reality: You like to think you are, but you aren't. Working out and eating right, simply isn't a priority. We make time for the things that are important to us!

Excuse: What if I hate exercising? What if I hate this food? What if it bores me?

Reality: Then do/eat something else! Experiment. Learn. Getting something wrong means you're learning what doesn't work -- which is just as important as knowing what does work!

Believe in yourself

Fear limits, paralyzes, slows, detracts.

Jumping takes you places. Doing opens doors. Flying sets you free.

Don't want to walk? Then dance!

Your turn

What fears have you given in to in the past? What fear are you going to give up? Discuss in the comments below. 

 

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Photo by Michelle Schaffer