So You Want to Actually Enjoy the Holidays? 9 Tips to Knock Out Holiday Stress

With the U.S. coming off the Thanksgiving endorphin high induced by mounds of turkey, potatoes, and decadent sugary desserts, it's all too common to feel the seasonal stress slowly begin to tighten around your neck like a brightly lit and twinkling little noose. Many of you are likely to have a constant loop of "Oh but I still have to...", "Your mother is staying how long?", "Wait, that costs what?!", running through your heads like a bad song on repeat. You may even have already resigned yourself to thinking "This is just how the holidays are" and given up on the notion that they are supposed to be fun. Maybe you're stressed to the point that you find yourself like this little elf, curled into the fetal position, screaming  "No more!"

But the truth is that they aren't supposed to make you want to crawl into a cave until January. The holidays are about celebrating, giving, loving, coming together, and cherishing the things you  have and the people you're with.

Now, I'm not going to claim it will be easy. For these suggestions to work, you must want it. You must put forth the effort, stick to your guns, and follow through. If you do, you'll be on your way to truly happy holidays.

The "Yes, we're related" Stress

Fifteen people crammed into one house + individual annoyances and preferences + unsolicited advice + past grievances = Stress like no other stress.

These are all the people who know you the best, have seen you at your worst, and aren't afraid to call you out when they know you're making things up. But they're also the people who love you and want the best for you, even if they're doing it totally wrong.

1. Decide ahead of time the types of conversations you will (and won't) participate in. If you know there is likely to be some issue ruffling feathers, it's best to not get involved. Families like to help each other, but sometimes the best help you can offer is leaving a problem alone. If grandma is trying to scare off Katie's "unsuitable" boyfriend, stay out of it. Let Grandma and Katie, both, know that you won't be getting involved. Same goes for jobs, husbands, child-rearing, or the lack of.

2. If you're hosting a get-together, make some rules. It's your house, you decide what is allowed and what isn't. No arguing, no smoking, no re-cleaning my house after I just cleaned it. Whatever bugs you. It may seem petty to some, but if it's something that makes your blood pressure rise, then you need to lay down some ground rules. Be nice, but be clear.

3. Pay attention to the things that make you happy. These are usually small things, and as such, are often overlooked. Instead of focusing on the big things (that often have a tendency of going awry), pay attention to everything else. Love the smell of the Christmas Tree? Find a seat close to it. Feel calm watching the lights blink on and off? Take 10 minutes to sit and watch them. Love cooking? Offer to help in the kitchen. Enjoy being outside? Grab a kid and make a snowman. The possibilities are endless. Small things added up really do make a difference.

The "This is too expensive" Stress

These days holidays can seem less like holidays and more like A-reason-to-spend-money-days. Between gifts, food, decorations, travel and vacations, the holidays can seem like one big money pit. This season is about giving. It's not about giving the most expensive gift you can find. Find a balance that soothes your mind and your wallet.

1. Make a list. Decide who you're buying gifts for and stick to it. If you know money will be tight this year, it's time to trim the list. Do you really need to get a gift for your cousins two children? Should you get a gift for the aunt who lives 2000 miles away who you never see? Or what about your 20 grandchildren? It's up to you. Just remember that you have to draw the line somewhere. Decide who are the most important people in your life, who needs a smile the most, who gifts would help the most. Start with them.

2. Set limits. Decide how much you can realistically spend and then divvy it up appropriately among those you have to buy for. This way you know exactly how much you have to spend for each person, without having to do the mental money tango of "Can I afford this?" Decide ahead of time and stick to it.

3. Be okay with your decisions. You can't buy everyone exactly what they want all the time. Make your decisions, stick with them, and know that you did what you could. Don't feel guilty for what you missed or couldn't afford. Feel good knowing that you did what you were able. That's all you need to worry about.

The "I don't have time for this" Stress

24 hours in a day and you've got to sleep for at least a third of them. Somehow, you have to figure out how to fit all of your regular tasks in PLUS all of these new holiday ones - decorating, shopping, cooking, wrapping, parties, visiting and on and on. I can seem impossible, but you have more flexibility than you think.

1. Bundle up. And I don't mean with jackets. Bundle up your activities where possible to save time. Do your holiday food shopping the same day you usually buy your groceries. If you can afford it, have the stores wrap the gifts for you. Cooking a fancy meal? Double the recipes and freeze the extras. This could save several days worth of cooking, freeing up time for something else.

2. Enlist help. If you have older children, they can certainly help you cook, decorate, even wrap other children's presents (provided they won't blab what the presents are!) Teens can even help with the shopping and other errands. Get the spouse involved. Parents, friends, and siblings too. Make your holiday meal a potluck. Sometimes, it's hard to let go of control and allow others to help, but sometimes that's where the real spirit of the holidays comes out.

3. Realize you have limits. Do what you can and refuse to feel guilty or pressured to do something you can't. Relax and decide to enjoy yourself. If something doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. No worry, no guilt.

Just like you can love a person, but not like them very much, you can apply this thinking to the holidays. You may feel more stress, but you can learn to cherish these weeks in spite of it. Decide to be thankful for the things and the family that you have. Enjoy this time... and remember, they only happen once a year.

 Image courtesy of Dylan Tweney