Why Acceptance Isn't Optional

Acceptance is one of the most important things you can do for your happiness.

But there's a lot of mystery and hype surrounding that word— Happiness. We're told "do this" or "buy that" and we'll be happy. So we do what we're told to do and buy what we're told to buy, all in the hope of gaining a bigger slice of the happiness pie.

But the truth is that we already have everything we need to be happy. Most of us just haven't realized it yet.

You know where this is going now, don't you?

That's right— Acceptance.

Many people believe that acceptance means defeat (it doesn't) or that it makes you a failure (nope) and they never give this fantastic tool a fair shot.

Why is acceptance so important anyway?

To answer that, we first have to look at where the need for it is coming from. If we know that acceptance is the solution, then non-acceptance is the problem.

Think about the most recent negative emotions you have felt. Maybe you felt anger or impatience? Irritation? Heartache? Fear?

Now, look a why you felt those emotions.

Perhaps a friend said something insulting and it made you angry. Or your husband forgot your anniversary and it made you feel hurt and invisible. Maybe you felt irritation and impatience pounding in your ears as you sat in rush hour traffic on your way home from work last night.

Though each one is different, they are all the same.

In each situation, you reacted negatively, because something didn't go the way you wanted it to.

I've said that before, but it's super important, so I'm going to say it again...

You feel negative emotions because something didn't go the way you wanted it to.

This is important.

We like being in control. And we don't like to admit that we can't control the majority of what happens to us. Sure, we have the power to choose, but we never know with certainty what result that choice will bring us. And so we like to pretend that we do have control, that we can choose exactly what happens to us.

The result? Something doesn't go according to plan and we feel anger (or some other negative emotion) at ourselves (for picking a bad plan) or whoever has done us wrong (for interrupting our perfect plan).

We must accept that we can not control everything.

Basic acceptance begins with admitting that we aren't perfect, nor can we ever be. We make mistakes and we learn from them. This is how we grow and learn. Perfection is an unrealistic and impossible goal.

I repeat: Perfection is an impossible goal. Tweet this.

Accept your emotions

Since we know we can't be perfect, it makes sense that learning something new, such as acceptance, will take time and that we'll make mistakes along the way, especially in the beginning. We'll still get angry, we'll still feel impatience. But rather than berating yourself, just accept it.

Say to yourself, "I'm angry/impatient/annoyed, and that's okay. I am okay." Instead of giving in to your emotions, learn from them. With practice, those negative emotional spikes won't be quite so pointy.

Accept the situation

A common misconception is that acceptance means giving up, not striving for progress or for something more. You can still set goals - say to lose your temper less or to lose 20 pounds, all while still practicing acceptance.

Let's take weight loss as an example.

You step on the scale, note your weight and decide that you really do need to lose those last 20 pounds. At this point you can be critical with yourself, groaning about not exercising enough and eating too many bad foods... OR

You can accept that what's done is done. Yes, you ate the foods. Yes, you didn't exercise as much as you should have. But talking negatively to yourself isn't going to magically transport you back in time and give you the chance to redo it all. And it certainly isn't going to make you feel confident that you'll be able to do it in the future.

In fact, all that negativity is going to make you more likely to fail in the future.

Instead, just remind yourself that this is how things are right now— this minute, today. It's not how it has to be tomorrow or next month. Build up practicing acceptance and bit by bit you'll allow yourself to be a happier person.

How are you going to practice acceptance today? Share below in the comments.

Image courtesy of Alex France

Today I Shall Love Myself

 

How many negative thoughts have you had about yourself today? 

Five? Ten? More?

Maybe your day looks something like this:

You wake up and grumble at the readout on the bathroom scale, blaming your inability to maintain any semblance of self-control when it comes to eating out. At work a friend compliments you on your weightloss/big sale/promotion, but instead of saying "Thank You", you shift the credit to "Black really is slimming"/"Ah, that guy was gonna bite anyway"/"Right place, right time". After work, you hit the gym, but instead of thinking about how much progress you've made, you watch everyone else and think how much stronger/slimmer/more flexible they are. You fall asleep thinking about what mistakes you made  and what might go wrong tomorrow.

Does that sound even a little bit like you?

Do you spend your time comparing yourself to others? Do you brush off compliments? Do you spend even a few minutes a day agonizing over your flaws, either real or imagined?

Let me just say...

Stop it!

You're worth so much more than that!

I can't remember who, but someone said that comparing yourself to someone else is like "Comparing your bloopers to someone else's highlight reel." (Know who said this? Let me know in the comments below.) This quote was originally about those who compare their life to what they see on their friends' Facebook pages, but it's really not limited to social networking sites. This is true in every part of our life.

It doesn't have to be this way.

It is possible to accept compliments and to truly believe them.

It is possible to accept your flaws as tiny pieces of a beautiful puzzle, because without them, you'd be left with holes in an unfinished piece of art.

It is possible to compare yourself only to yourself.

And it all starts with love.

Today, I want you to look in the mirror and say "I love you."

Today, I want you to feed yourself food that says to your body "I love you."

Today, I want you to hang out with people that make it easy for you love yourself.

And right now, I want you to repeat after me...

"Today, I shall love myself."

 

Photo by Jeff Kubina

15 Ways to Completely Waste Your Time

 

What is life, but the very moment of time you're in right now?

Life is right now. This moment. This second.

Therefore, when you waste time, you're wasting your life.

If you're expecting the typical list, of time-wasters  like spending too much time on Facebook or Twitter or watching too many reruns of SVU, well... this isn't that kind of list.

While those things can indeed be wastes of time, they aren't always. Sometimes, it's good to relax and watch a show you really enjoy. Or get the lastest Facebook updates.

But there are some time wasters that are rarely conditional, and are pretty much always going to waste your time.

The thing is, they are sometimes much harder to spot. We know Twitter can be a waste of time. We know that Pinterest can suck up hours of our lives in one sitting.

But this list I've prepared for you? It's full of things you often don't even realize you're doing. And many of us have wasted years participating in these activities.

So today, I'm giving you a little reminder to be mindful of your time and help you take back your life.

Behold, 15 Ways to Completely Waste Your Time

1. Care what other people think

2. Worry about what may or may not happen tomorrow

3. Hold on to regrets

4. Quit too soon

5. Withhold forgiveness

6. Be something other than you

7. Self-medicate your stress with drugs and alchol

8. Live in denial

9. Give less than your best

10. Let others make your decisions for you

11. Give in to irrational fears

12. Place blame

13. Not use your voice (verbal or otherwise)

14. Blindly follow the crowd

15. React in a spiteful manner

Let's get a list going! What time-wasting activities would you add to the list?

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Image courtesy of Grzegorz Łobiński

What You May Not Know About Anger

 

Do you know why you get angry?

Well, of course there is the simple answer: something happened that you didn't like. But the truth is that the answer goes much deeper than this, and it may surprise you.

The reality is that your anger probably has little to do with what you think it does. 

Let's say you work third shift, so you're sleeping while everyone else is just starting their day. But your retiree neighbor has a habit of mowing their lawn -mere feet from your bedroom window - every Saturday morning at 8am. You end up losing sleep because the sound of the mower keeps you awake.

Maybe the maintenance team for your apartment is the kind of inept that makes the Three Stooges look like a welcome replacement. You just can't seem to get any of the problems you've reported fixed.

Or maybe you spent a month planning a friends baby shower, only to find out  that she called some of your ideas "cheap" behind your back.

At first glance, you can see why you'd be angry in each scenario— losing sleep,  not getting your apartment fixed, and name calling. But each of these can be distilled down to one central reason: loss of control.

You're angry because you can't control the situation.

Let that sink in for a minute, because for many of us, it's not an obvious conclusion. We often don't give our emotions enough thought, enough consideration. Especially the negative ones. We just want them to go away.

But, instead of blasting those around you with your anger (or bottling it up and letting it consume you), take a minute to figure out why you're really angry.

Lets take a closer look at the third scenario above, where your efforts at throwing a  baby shower were rewarded with a negative comment from your friend. I want to look at a few reasons this might make you angry.

Reason 1

What you tell yourself: You feel it's rude of her to insult your hard work, especially behind your back.

What you suspect: You dislike being wrong and for others to think negatively of you.

Real Reason: You were unable to make her like your ideas, nor make her trust you enough to tell you herself. You wanted your efforts rewarded and you didn't get what you wanted. You couldn't control what she did and didn't like.

or

Real Reason: The word "cheap" brings back memories of childhood bullies who always insulted your hand-me-down clothes. Which is what you're really angry at. You're angry you didn't have new clothes. Angry you didn't stand up to the bullies. You're angry at your parents. And on and on. Again, this is all about loss of control.

Remember, an important aspect of the un-copied journey is ceasing to care what others think of you. Tweet this.

In each of the original scenarios above, if you really give each emotion the time and attention it needs, you can discover the real source of your anger. Yes, on the surface, the specific problem may be what sets off your anger... but to know the true source of it, you must dig deeper.

Many times, you'll be surprised where your emotions will take you. Something that may seem unrelated may end up having more importance than you could have imagined.

So how do you figure it out?

The steps below are suggestions, and don't necessarily need to be completed in order, save for the first one. Depending on how angry you are, some steps may even be skipped. The idea is to familiarize yourself with them, so that you can recall the most pertinent ones for your situation.

1. Take a moment

Walk away, if possible. If you're driving, pull over. If you're about to make a phone call, put the phone down. Just take a few moments to breathe and think. Once anger takes over, it's hard to stop. This is what you want to avoid.

2. Recognize your emotions

Accept that you're angry. You're not trying to smother your emotions; you're trying to find their source. So, don't clog up the process by throwing in unneeded emotions like guilt or shame at getting angry in the first place.

3. Realize your limits

Anger is about control (so are impatience, frustration, and irritation, to name a few). So the key here is realizing you can't control everything. In fact, the only thing you can control is yourself. That's it.

You can affect the rest of the world, but you can't control it. Tweet this.

4. Look inside

It may seem obvious, but to objectively assess your anger, you must be in an objective frame of mind. So, once you're removed from the source of your anger, and have had enough time to calm down and return your blood pressure to a relatively normal level, you can begin digging around in your mind.

What is your initial reaction? What story do you usually tell yourself in these moments?

Now think a bit more. Is there something about the situation that bugs you? Usually, we have a nice story we tell ourselves, but also a story that hovers off to the side. We know it's there, but we do our best to ignore it, because it's usually about a part of us we aren't too fond it. Listen to your inner voice, it's usually right.

5. Look deeper

Keep digging until you reach the bottom. Some issues will go deeper than others. If you feel any kind of nagging emotions, keep digging. You'll know when you find the true source of your anger, because it will most likely be one of those "lightbulb" moments, where everything suddenly makes sense.

Don't worry if you don't get it right away. You don't have to do all this "digging" in one sitting. Just get into the practice of looking deeper. One way that has helped me enormously is journaling. I find that writing down what I'm thinking, while I'm thinking it has been invaluable.

Take a look at the last time you felt angry. Is the source of the anger different than you first thought? 

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Photo courtesy of Mindaugas Danys.

 

What is Growing in Your Garden?

Is your self-worth tied to the opinions of others?

Now, before you instinctively throw a "no" at me, answer me this:

• Do compliments make you feel like you made the right decision?


• Do criticisms immediately make you doubt yourself?


• Have you felt unmotivated at work because you haven't received praise like a co-worker has?


• Do you feel unloved because you haven't heard from your friends lately?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, then your self-worth is linked, to some degree, to the opinions and actions of someone else.

You aren't alone either.

Most of my life was spent waiting for appraisal and approval from those around me. Childhood bullying coupled with a very shy personality, created a very deflated sense of self-worth. I reasoned that if people were being mean to me, then I must have not been worthy of kindness.

Of course, it took becoming an adult, and learning how to look outside myself,  to see that childhood bullying has much less to do with "worthiness" as it is an outlet for the bully's own pain.

The truth is:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

It doesn't excuse anyone's behavior, but it really is up to you how someone makes you feel.

It's up to you to accept an opinion of you as truth. Tweet this.

I can't tell you how many years I spent seeking approval and acceptance from everyone except the one person who mattered— myself.

And this just isn't the way to live.


We can't live waiting for someone to make us feel special/loved/worthy. We already are these things, we just haven't noticed because we're so busy waiting!

"Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
"— Veronica A. Shoffstall

So, go on! Get outside and dig up those weeds. Prune the dead leaves and broken stems. Feel the possibilities.

And plant your own flowers.

Because those store bought ones? They're living on borrowed time.

 

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Image courtesy of Stephen Jones

Get Out of Your Head: 10 Tips for Self-Expression

You know those times when you have to remember something, say, to tell your spouse to pick up something on the way home from work. You remind yourself a couple times to be sure you don't forget, because you absolutely need this thing. Today.

Except, they come home without said item claiming you never said anything. Only you're dead certain you told them. But 10 minutes later you realize that you actually hadn't said anything—  you simply thought about it so much, you convinced your brain that you had.

Sometimes our personalities are like that.

We get so caught up in our lives, our emotions, our opinions, our problems... that we assume everyone around us knows exactly how we feel. Except in reality we haven't actually said anything. All of these thoughts and feelings have happened only for us. No one else can see what's going on inside our minds.

So how do we get out of our heads and show off who we are?

Here are 10 tips for doing just that.

1. Be bold

Don't be scared or timid. Don't be afraid of showing yourself off.

2. Say what you're feeling

Be honest, be kind. Don't ignore or lie about how something makes you feel.

3. Be spontaneous

Don't stop to analyze every single thing. Life is happening right now. Live it.

4. Change your mind

Just make sure you tell someone!

5. Be loud

Been quiet lately? Make some noise.

6. Show emotion

Laugh, cry, get angry. Don't bottle it up.

7. Make eye contact

Very easy way to bring you into the moment and out of yourself.

8. Do something you've always wanted

Experiment. Live. Enjoy!

9. Ask questions

Learn about yourself while learning about others.

10. Accept imperfection

Perfection is impossible. Enjoy your imperfect self - you are as close to perfection as you'll ever be, in this moment.

 

Update: One lovely reader, Abhishek Shah from Appitive.com was kind enough to make this post into a wonderful Slideshow on Slideshare.net. I hope you enjoy it as must as I did!

[slideshare id=16670030&doc=getoutofyourhead-130221071623-phpapp02]

 

Which tip is your favorite? Have any you'd like to add to the list?

 

Photo courtesy of Beercha

Take Control of Your Habits (Beginner's Guide to Mindfulness Pt 4)

This is the final part of the Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness, a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life. If you missed it, you can catch up by reading  Part 1 , Part 2 and Part 3.

Habits are huge. They are a part of almost every aspect of our lives, often going unnoticed until something happens that makes us take notice of them.

When we aren't being mindful, habits take over, and we are essentially running on auto-pilot. But by being mindful, by paying attention to each moment, we can reclaim the Captain's Seat.

Habits aren't bad, but they can be bad for you.

Habits can seem like a contradiction to mindfulness as habits are, by definition, something that you do so often that they are almost involuntary. But a habit can also be simply an behavior that is done regularly, such as brushing your teeth.

Why is this distinction important?

Because the first definition involves no thought, no purpose. That kind of habit is simply a reflex.  But an active mindfulness practice can take an involuntary habit, and turn it into a much healthier mindful habit. This means that you still brush your teeth like you always do, but instead of absently brushing, you're focusing on the strokes, noticing the minty tingle in your mouth, feeling your teeth getting clean, and knowing that you are keeping your body healthy.

Create New Habits

Just as mindfulness can enhance current habits, it can also be used be used to create new habits in place of old, unhealthy habits.

1. Pick just one

Pick one habit that you want to create or modify. Don't attempt to change 5 habits at once. It will be too overwhelming. Keep in mind that it doesn't matter what habit you pick. It could be to continue your mindfulness practice (which I recommend!) or it could be to floss every day, or take your lunch to work, or drink 8 glasses of water. Mindfulness can be used in any area of your life.

2.Start with the basics

Set a goal for your new habit. Then follow the simple steps that you learned in part two of this guide to begin enforcing that habit in a mindful way.

3. Track

It is vital to pay attention and track your progress. So many times I've tried to make drinking 8 glasses of water each day a habit. Each time, I get going, I'm doing really well at getting them all in. And then I get comfortable. I start to trust my intuition and stop tracking. And before I know it, I'm back to square one. It has been said that it takes 21 days to create a habit. I'm no scientist or psychologist, but I'd like to amend that statement a little. I think it depends on the habit. If this new habit was created to break an old one, it can take longer. It really depends on how much you want this new habit in your life.

4. A little help

They say it takes a village to raise a child... well I say it takes a village to change a behavior. So many of our behaviors are tied to the people in our lives - be it social drinking or smoking, eating out, or even negative self-talk.

If you're trying to cut the habit of eating out for lunch, let your co-workers know so that you can pick a place that isn't going to compromise your goal. The company we keep says a lot about us. Make sure yours says something good.

5. Tools

In the beginning it can be very hard to remember your habit (because it isn't a habit yet!). Practicing mindfulness will help a lot, but it's okay to get a little help when you're just starting out. Below, I've listed some free tools that you can use on your computer or your smartphone (or ipad) to help you track and remember your habit.

Note: None of these are affiliate links. I will not gain anything if you click the links. I'm simply sharing a few tools that might help you.

1.  21Habit: This is the program I'm currently using, and I love it. With 21habit, you pick a habit that you want to create. Then you give them $21, one dollar for each of the 21 days it takes to create a habit. Each day you are successful with your habit, you get a dollar returned to you. Each day you fail at your habit, one dollar is donated to charity. They have a free version as well.


2. Success Log: A free app that lets you track anything you want. Allows you to analyze your data so you know exactly where you stand.


3. Joe's Goals: A very simple free website for tracking your habits/goals. Just click to add or remove check marks. Allows for multiple goal tracking, and the ability to track negative actions as well.

What habits are you working on now, or which will you begin? Have you ever used a tool to help you track a goal or a habit?

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The Lie Behind "That's Just Who I Am."

I wanted to share a quick thought with you this week. I had considered writing this just for my newsletter subscribers, but I think the message is so important that I needed to share it with all of you. (and if you haven't signed up to the newsletter, you can do so here or at the top of the page.)

The message of Un-Copied Life is to be yourself, your true self, not a copy. And certainly not who someone else thinks you should be.

I want you to be comfortable in your own skin, to accept your own opinions, and to believe in your capabilities.

This, however, is not an excuse to become stagnant and anchored in your mindset.

I want to make sure you understand the difference, because it's important!

Being yourself doesn't mean refusing to change.

It means refusing to become someone else. It means refusing to become someone you aren't.

But change? We're always changing. We aren't who we were yesterday. How can we possibly say we can't change, or that we shouldn't?

We all have people in our life who want us to think something different, or say something else. Everyone around us is an "expert" on something and they all have advice for us. There is always something they think we should do.

Sometimes they really are trying to show us something about ourselves that needs attention, and sometimes they're after their own agendas. The sad part is that most of us don't have the time to analyze every bit of advice and see what's what. So what do we do?

When do I act?

Here is a quick, 2 question guide to help you decide when to act on, and when to dismiss, advice given to you.

1. How did you react? Strong reactions, either positive or negative, are indicators that we need to give something our attention. Anger, for example, is a sign of underlying emotions that you've likely been neglecting. Figure out what is making you react and why. Strong reactions are where you need to put your focus.


2. What are your motives? Forget everyone else. Their motive is irrelevant. Even if they are angling for themselves, you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by being stubborn. Don't refuse (or consent) just because someone asked you to. Question your initial decision and make sure that what you choose is for you— not because of the other person.

You can change. Everyone can.

Saying you can't change is a lie. The truth is that you don't want to. You don't want to admit to yourself that something isn't right. You don't want to make the effort.

And I'm not saying you should or that you need to. I simply want you to truly look at yourself. Be honest.

Know what you believe. And more importantly know why.

Change the parts that aren't you.

Then you can honestly say, "This is who I am."

What is your experience with unsolicited advice? Share in the comments below.

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Photo courtesy of Neelaka

De-stress a Stressful Situation (Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness Pt 3)

This is part three of the Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness. This is  a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and I provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life. If you missed it, you catch up by reading  Part 1 and Part 2.

When an unexpected situation comes up, it's easy to get caught up in your emotions. Before you know it, the situation has spiraled out of control— you're angry or hurt and everyone else involved is wishing they were anywhere else but there. Like stuck in a bear trap. Or visiting their in-laws.

But it really can be easier than that. It is possible to take stress in stride and not let it get the best of you.  Here's how to tackle three common sources of stress that most, if not all of us, have faced at some time or another.

1. When you don't like what you see

Do you like looking in the mirror? Or like many others does the thought of looking lovingly at your reflection spark a level of loathing usually reserved for your mortal enemies?

Maybe you're somewhere in the middle of these extremes, but the truth is that many people take no pleasure from looking in the mirror or at photos taken of them. And when they do happen to look in the mirror, all they seem to focus on is what is too ugly, or too fat, or too whatever.

I've been there. I remember when looking in the mirror meant tears - of shame, defeat, and despair. It meant imagining the horrible things that other people were surely saying about me. Thankfully, I was able to accept, not only my body, but that worrying about what others think is a waste of time.

But how do you get past it? 

Common advice for improving self-image is to compliment yourself every time you see your reflection. But for some, this can actually be counter-effective. If the aversion to your physical appearance is so strongly ingrained in your beliefs, then complimenting yourself often can feel like such a bald-faced lie that the logical side of you will completely reject the idea. This of course, leads to you giving up altogether.

Practicing mindfulness in this situation can provide the middle ground that is needed to overcome that feeling of lying to yourself, because instead of telling yourself how great you are, or how horrible you are, you are simply saying, "Yes, I see you. I will not judge what I see."

Say to your reflection: "Yes, I see you. I will not judge what I see." Click to tweet this quote.

And once you're comfortable with accepting what you see, you can progress toward more positive thoughts.

2. When you're in a hurry

You have 15 minutes left on your lunch hour. All you want to do is pay for the 3 tiny little items you need for dinner tonight. And the grocery store has one checkout open (out of twenty) and the line is snaking down aisle 3 into the deli department.

Oh. Hell. No.

I’ll admit it, I'm not the most patient person in the world. Or anywhere close. But I have learned a few ways to deal with impatience when it comes up and not to let it take control of me.

Anticipate delays. This is oh so important. Many times it isn't the delay that bothers us so much, but the fact that it took us by surprise. We like to be in control and when something happens that we can't control, it throws us for a loop. When I'm expecting to wait, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as when it's sprung on me.

• Find out when the busy times are at your grocery store (just ask an employee) and avoid those times as much as possible. If you can't, be prepared to wait in line.


• If rush hour traffic makes your blood pressure surge, try finding a different route. Radio stations often share road blockages (including from car accidents) and The Weather Channel will give you a rush hour traffic report for your zip code.


• If you always find yourself a few minutes late to work because your kids just don't understand the urgency, try waking up just 5 minutes earlier. Make sure everyone's clothes and backpacks are ready the night before. You can even prepare for breakfast by putting out the bowls, spoons, and cereal (or any non-perishables) the night before as well.

Of course, you can't always prepare for a delay. When the world seems hellbent to keep you from your destination, it helps to have a plan of action, which I'll get to in a moment. First, I want to discuss the third situation— anger. Because impatience has a way of turning quickly to anger, the mindful solutions for both of them are very similar.

 

3. When you're angry

I used to say that my temper was like a sports car: It could go 0 - 60 in 3.5. It was easy to flare up and difficult to tame. But with some time and patience with myself, I am now able to keep calm under many circumstances that used to rev me up. Of course, I do still get angry. I mention this because it's important for you to realize that we can't control every emotion, nor would we want to (we are humans with feelings after all), but we can learn to moderate the emotions that aren't doing anything to help us or those around us.

Now, on to the good stuff!

Mindful Thought

 

• Begin with mindful breathing. Focus only on the breath. If you're finding it difficult to concentrate, try saying "In" on the inhale and "Out" on the exhale. Do this until you're calm or the delay has passed. Do not proceed to the next step until you are calm.


• Consider other points of view. The cashier is probably even more stressed than you— it isn't her fault that she's the only one at a register. Yelling at her, or making comments to others in line isn't going to make her work faster. Or maybe the problem is that a car accident is blocking traffic. Instead of thinking only of your plight, have compassion and consider what the person in the accident is going through.


• Ask yourself, "Is this getting me anywhere?" Regardless of how legitimate your impatience or anger is, you have to question what it's doing for you. Is it getting you to your destination faster? If the answer is no, and I'd wager that it is, then relax. Go back to your breathing if necessary.


• Get it out. Many of us hold in anger for a long time. It's unhealthy and despite what we tell ourselves, the only person it hurts is us. Try talking calmly to the person that has upset you. This is the best way to clear out the negative emotions. If you aren't ready for that step, or if the source of your anger isn't a person, there are other steps you can take, like writing out your frustrations. Writing a "letter" to the source of your anger (you don't actually send it) or keeping a journal gives you a way to expell those negative emotions in a healthy way. Write down all the emotions you're feeling and why you feel them. Pay attention to how your body reacts as well. Do you notice a change in your pulse or muscle tension? Note anything that crosses your mind.

"The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest." —Unknown

What methods to you use to keep calm in stressful situations? Please share in the comments below.

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