Take Control of Your Habits (Beginner's Guide to Mindfulness Pt 4)

This is the final part of the Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness, a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life. If you missed it, you can catch up by reading  Part 1 , Part 2 and Part 3.

Habits are huge. They are a part of almost every aspect of our lives, often going unnoticed until something happens that makes us take notice of them.

When we aren't being mindful, habits take over, and we are essentially running on auto-pilot. But by being mindful, by paying attention to each moment, we can reclaim the Captain's Seat.

Habits aren't bad, but they can be bad for you.

Habits can seem like a contradiction to mindfulness as habits are, by definition, something that you do so often that they are almost involuntary. But a habit can also be simply an behavior that is done regularly, such as brushing your teeth.

Why is this distinction important?

Because the first definition involves no thought, no purpose. That kind of habit is simply a reflex.  But an active mindfulness practice can take an involuntary habit, and turn it into a much healthier mindful habit. This means that you still brush your teeth like you always do, but instead of absently brushing, you're focusing on the strokes, noticing the minty tingle in your mouth, feeling your teeth getting clean, and knowing that you are keeping your body healthy.

Create New Habits

Just as mindfulness can enhance current habits, it can also be used be used to create new habits in place of old, unhealthy habits.

1. Pick just one

Pick one habit that you want to create or modify. Don't attempt to change 5 habits at once. It will be too overwhelming. Keep in mind that it doesn't matter what habit you pick. It could be to continue your mindfulness practice (which I recommend!) or it could be to floss every day, or take your lunch to work, or drink 8 glasses of water. Mindfulness can be used in any area of your life.

2.Start with the basics

Set a goal for your new habit. Then follow the simple steps that you learned in part two of this guide to begin enforcing that habit in a mindful way.

3. Track

It is vital to pay attention and track your progress. So many times I've tried to make drinking 8 glasses of water each day a habit. Each time, I get going, I'm doing really well at getting them all in. And then I get comfortable. I start to trust my intuition and stop tracking. And before I know it, I'm back to square one. It has been said that it takes 21 days to create a habit. I'm no scientist or psychologist, but I'd like to amend that statement a little. I think it depends on the habit. If this new habit was created to break an old one, it can take longer. It really depends on how much you want this new habit in your life.

4. A little help

They say it takes a village to raise a child... well I say it takes a village to change a behavior. So many of our behaviors are tied to the people in our lives - be it social drinking or smoking, eating out, or even negative self-talk.

If you're trying to cut the habit of eating out for lunch, let your co-workers know so that you can pick a place that isn't going to compromise your goal. The company we keep says a lot about us. Make sure yours says something good.

5. Tools

In the beginning it can be very hard to remember your habit (because it isn't a habit yet!). Practicing mindfulness will help a lot, but it's okay to get a little help when you're just starting out. Below, I've listed some free tools that you can use on your computer or your smartphone (or ipad) to help you track and remember your habit.

Note: None of these are affiliate links. I will not gain anything if you click the links. I'm simply sharing a few tools that might help you.

1.  21Habit: This is the program I'm currently using, and I love it. With 21habit, you pick a habit that you want to create. Then you give them $21, one dollar for each of the 21 days it takes to create a habit. Each day you are successful with your habit, you get a dollar returned to you. Each day you fail at your habit, one dollar is donated to charity. They have a free version as well.


2. Success Log: A free app that lets you track anything you want. Allows you to analyze your data so you know exactly where you stand.


3. Joe's Goals: A very simple free website for tracking your habits/goals. Just click to add or remove check marks. Allows for multiple goal tracking, and the ability to track negative actions as well.

What habits are you working on now, or which will you begin? Have you ever used a tool to help you track a goal or a habit?

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De-stress a Stressful Situation (Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness Pt 3)

This is part three of the Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness. This is  a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and I provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life. If you missed it, you catch up by reading  Part 1 and Part 2.

When an unexpected situation comes up, it's easy to get caught up in your emotions. Before you know it, the situation has spiraled out of control— you're angry or hurt and everyone else involved is wishing they were anywhere else but there. Like stuck in a bear trap. Or visiting their in-laws.

But it really can be easier than that. It is possible to take stress in stride and not let it get the best of you.  Here's how to tackle three common sources of stress that most, if not all of us, have faced at some time or another.

1. When you don't like what you see

Do you like looking in the mirror? Or like many others does the thought of looking lovingly at your reflection spark a level of loathing usually reserved for your mortal enemies?

Maybe you're somewhere in the middle of these extremes, but the truth is that many people take no pleasure from looking in the mirror or at photos taken of them. And when they do happen to look in the mirror, all they seem to focus on is what is too ugly, or too fat, or too whatever.

I've been there. I remember when looking in the mirror meant tears - of shame, defeat, and despair. It meant imagining the horrible things that other people were surely saying about me. Thankfully, I was able to accept, not only my body, but that worrying about what others think is a waste of time.

But how do you get past it? 

Common advice for improving self-image is to compliment yourself every time you see your reflection. But for some, this can actually be counter-effective. If the aversion to your physical appearance is so strongly ingrained in your beliefs, then complimenting yourself often can feel like such a bald-faced lie that the logical side of you will completely reject the idea. This of course, leads to you giving up altogether.

Practicing mindfulness in this situation can provide the middle ground that is needed to overcome that feeling of lying to yourself, because instead of telling yourself how great you are, or how horrible you are, you are simply saying, "Yes, I see you. I will not judge what I see."

Say to your reflection: "Yes, I see you. I will not judge what I see." Click to tweet this quote.

And once you're comfortable with accepting what you see, you can progress toward more positive thoughts.

2. When you're in a hurry

You have 15 minutes left on your lunch hour. All you want to do is pay for the 3 tiny little items you need for dinner tonight. And the grocery store has one checkout open (out of twenty) and the line is snaking down aisle 3 into the deli department.

Oh. Hell. No.

I’ll admit it, I'm not the most patient person in the world. Or anywhere close. But I have learned a few ways to deal with impatience when it comes up and not to let it take control of me.

Anticipate delays. This is oh so important. Many times it isn't the delay that bothers us so much, but the fact that it took us by surprise. We like to be in control and when something happens that we can't control, it throws us for a loop. When I'm expecting to wait, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as when it's sprung on me.

• Find out when the busy times are at your grocery store (just ask an employee) and avoid those times as much as possible. If you can't, be prepared to wait in line.


• If rush hour traffic makes your blood pressure surge, try finding a different route. Radio stations often share road blockages (including from car accidents) and The Weather Channel will give you a rush hour traffic report for your zip code.


• If you always find yourself a few minutes late to work because your kids just don't understand the urgency, try waking up just 5 minutes earlier. Make sure everyone's clothes and backpacks are ready the night before. You can even prepare for breakfast by putting out the bowls, spoons, and cereal (or any non-perishables) the night before as well.

Of course, you can't always prepare for a delay. When the world seems hellbent to keep you from your destination, it helps to have a plan of action, which I'll get to in a moment. First, I want to discuss the third situation— anger. Because impatience has a way of turning quickly to anger, the mindful solutions for both of them are very similar.

 

3. When you're angry

I used to say that my temper was like a sports car: It could go 0 - 60 in 3.5. It was easy to flare up and difficult to tame. But with some time and patience with myself, I am now able to keep calm under many circumstances that used to rev me up. Of course, I do still get angry. I mention this because it's important for you to realize that we can't control every emotion, nor would we want to (we are humans with feelings after all), but we can learn to moderate the emotions that aren't doing anything to help us or those around us.

Now, on to the good stuff!

Mindful Thought

 

• Begin with mindful breathing. Focus only on the breath. If you're finding it difficult to concentrate, try saying "In" on the inhale and "Out" on the exhale. Do this until you're calm or the delay has passed. Do not proceed to the next step until you are calm.


• Consider other points of view. The cashier is probably even more stressed than you— it isn't her fault that she's the only one at a register. Yelling at her, or making comments to others in line isn't going to make her work faster. Or maybe the problem is that a car accident is blocking traffic. Instead of thinking only of your plight, have compassion and consider what the person in the accident is going through.


• Ask yourself, "Is this getting me anywhere?" Regardless of how legitimate your impatience or anger is, you have to question what it's doing for you. Is it getting you to your destination faster? If the answer is no, and I'd wager that it is, then relax. Go back to your breathing if necessary.


• Get it out. Many of us hold in anger for a long time. It's unhealthy and despite what we tell ourselves, the only person it hurts is us. Try talking calmly to the person that has upset you. This is the best way to clear out the negative emotions. If you aren't ready for that step, or if the source of your anger isn't a person, there are other steps you can take, like writing out your frustrations. Writing a "letter" to the source of your anger (you don't actually send it) or keeping a journal gives you a way to expell those negative emotions in a healthy way. Write down all the emotions you're feeling and why you feel them. Pay attention to how your body reacts as well. Do you notice a change in your pulse or muscle tension? Note anything that crosses your mind.

"The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest." —Unknown

What methods to you use to keep calm in stressful situations? Please share in the comments below.

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Easy Mindfulness Techniques (Beginner's Guide to Mindfulness Pt 2)

This is part two of the Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness. This is  a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and I provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life. You can read part one here.

Last week week I talked about mindfulness and it's benefits. This week I'll go into mindfulness a bit more and share some simple techniques that will help you easily incorporate the practice into your daily life.

Step 1: Pick a time

If you completed last week's homework, then you're already done with step one. If you skipped the homework, or you missed it, your task was to pick a specific time that you will set aside to practice. If you haven't done this yet, go ahead and do it now, I'll wait.

Did you do it?

Your time should be time specific and should be the same each day. Remember, even just 5 or 10 minutes a day is enough to start out with. You want to start out simple because you don't want to become overwhelmed.

 

Step 2: Practice

There are many, many ways to practice mindfulness. This list is meant to serve as a sampling of basic techniques, and is by no means an all inclusive list. Remember: start small and work your way up.

60 Seconds of Breathing

This can be considered the "bare bones" of mindfulness as practically all forms of mindfulness are extensions of the breathing practice.

Find a place you can be still, with zero distractions. Turn off the the TV. Close the laptop. Put your phone on silent (It's ok, it's only 60 seconds!). It doesn't matter if you're sitting or lying in bed. Go ahead and get comfy.

Now focus on your breathing. Don't try to change it, just notice it. Is it fast or shallow? Is it deep or slow? Are your breaths even, or do they change from breath to breath? Is is coming from your chest or your belly? Does the air feel cool or warm? Are you breathing differently at the end than you were at the beginning?

If you'd like, you can set a timer to alert you when the minute is up. Keep in mind that this is deceptively simple - It's easy to do, yet difficult to master. Your mind is likely to stray after even 5 or 10 seconds. When that happens, just notice the thought, but don't focus on it, and direct your thoughts back to your breathing. Continue to redirect your thoughts back to the breath each time, remembering not to judge. It is normal for your mind to stray several, or many times during this exercise, even though it only lasts 60 seconds. With continued practice, you're mind will have an easier time focusing and will stray less often.

Eating

Considering that two-thirds of the American population is overweight, mindful eating can become a super-tool to add to your mindfulness toolbox.

How many times have you ate well past being full? How many times have you ate when you weren't even hungry? How many times have you eaten so quickly that you barely remember what the food even tasted like?

Mindful eating helps you to slow down, pay attention, and savor each moment and each bite.

Note: If you cook the food yourself, you can begin these steps while you're preparing and cooking the food).

Before you take your first bite, look at your food. What does it smell like? What colors and textures do you see?

Notice how your body reacts. Do you feel extra saliva in your mouth? Are you feeling excited or anticipation to taste the food?

Take a bite. How does it feel in your mouth? Is it chewy or soft? Salty or sweet?

Ask and notice. Repeat for each bite. If your mind wanders, bring it back to the food.

How hungry are you? Stop just before you are full.

I must admit that I used to think that this was overkill. I thought, "Seriously? Every bite?" So, I only half-way did it. I can't tell you how many times I went back for seconds because I inhaled my food so quickly, I hardly even tasted it. And because I ate it so fast, I wasn't satisfied - which, of course, left me wanting more.

When I slow down and savor each bite, I find that not only do I eat less, I feel much more satisfied with the meal overall.

Awareness

This is a fun one!

In this technique, we'll be picking a place to sit, and simply become aware of our surroundings. While the previous two techniques are very narrow-focused, this technique gives your mental focus a little more freedom and wiggle-room.

For beginner's, pick a location that is slower, with a little less hustle and bustle. A quiet park, or a restaurant during non-busy hours would be great. If you live in the city, or a suburb you could also sit on your porch. The goal is to pick somewhere that has activity, but is separate from you. Pick a place where you can easily observe what is going on, but not have to be a part of what is going on.

If you already practice mindfulness, feel free to pick a place that has more activity, like a Starbucks, or just use the places listed above, but move closer to the action.

Begin with mindful breathing. Notice your breath. When you have random thoughts, bring them back to the breath.

Now close your eyes. What do you hear? Are the sounds nearby or faraway? What do you feel? How hot or cold is it? Is there a breeze? What do you smell?

Use your senses of touch, hearing, and smell to paint a picture in your head. Don't judge what your senses tell you, though. Just notice.

Open your eyes. Now use your sight to notice the rest. What do you see? Are there kids playing? People rushing by?

Do this for as long as you like, but aim for at least 5 minutes.

Step 3: Repeat

To get the most out of mindfulness practice, you actually have to practice it! Pick a schedule and stick to it. It'll be second nature before you know it!

Next week, part three of the guide will show you how to use mindfulness to help with negative emotions and situations, like impatience and worry. Look for the post next Tuesday!

What techniques are you most excited to try? In what area of your life do you think mindfulness will be most helpful?

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What is Mindfulness and Why Is It Important? (Beginner's Guide to Mindfulness Pt 1)

As I'm sure you noticed in the title, today's post is part one in the Beginner's Guide to Mindfulness. This will be a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and I provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life.

What is Mindfulness?

To put it simply, mindfulness is being aware. But in reality it's so much more than that.

Being mindful means:

Paying attention with intent - This means that you are aware for awareness' sake.  You choose to pay attention, to be alive, to be nowhere but the current moment. For each mindful moment, there is no past and no future - only now.

Being non-judgemental - This is acceptance. It simply means that you are aware of your thoughts and surroundings, but you decline to interpret what your senses are telling you.

Essentially, it is you saying,  "Yeah, I know you're there. So what?"

Asking questions - Questions are one of the most important aspects of mindfulness. This is where awareness really comes alive. It means the difference between knowing that you're eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and being aware of the crunch of it between your teeth, tasting the sweetness of it on your tongue, and so much more. To fully experience mindfulness, you ask yourself all of the who/what/where/etc questions for each of your senses. What does it smell like? Who is around me? What sounds do I hear?

Next week, I'll talk a lot more about each of these.

What's so Important about Mindfulness Anyway?

I feel that mindfulness is an essential part of any self-discovery journey, and lots of experts, like Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, feel that it's absolutely necessary. There are even adaptations of mindfulness for many of the worlds major religions, so for most of us, religion isn't a reason to not practice. But, regardless, it's a pretty awesome self-discovery tool, that if used on a daily basis, can awaken you to parts of yourself you never knew existed.

The benefits of mindfulness:

Greater awareness - With mindfulness, awareness is key. It's the step (and the benefit) that unlocks all of the rest. As you get comfortable with the practice, you'll become more aware of your surroundings and your feelings, which will allow you to make better on-the-fly decisions and to more thoroughly enjoy life.

Better understanding - Not only will you gain a better understanding of yourself and your specific triggers, but you'll also be better able to understand others and their reactions too. We tend to be much more accepting of negative events and behaviors when we know why they're happening in the first place. And of course, with understanding, comes the ability to change.

Lower stress levels - When you're not worrying about anything, you aren't stressed. Worry manifests itself in so many ways: fear, anger, resentment. And these negative emotions are just our way of not accepting something in our lives. Essentially, mindfulness leads to acceptance, and acceptance silences worry. It's a win-win if you ask me.

More enjoyment - When you aren't consumed with stress or thinking about what happened yesterday (or what will happen tomorrow), you can actually begin to slow down and enjoy life. All we have is this moment, right now. The now is where we live and every second you spend in the past or future, is a second of life you have wasted. The present is the only time that truly exists for us.

Look up the word present in a dictionary — you won't find the words "speculation" or "memory" in the definition, I promise you.

Deeper sense of peace - There is a definite feeling of peace that comes with a daily practice of mindfulness. When we can filter through the stress and negativity, we can find ourselves able to enjoy life in a much deeper way, enabling us to relax into the feeling of simply being alive.

Homework

This week's homework is easy, but it's super important, so don't skip it!

Pick a time to be mindful, and be specific. 

Examples:

• I'm going to be mindful for 5 minutes while I'm brushing my teeth each morning.


• I'm going to be mindful for 10 minutes while I wash the dinner dishes each day.


• I'm going to be mindful while I each lunch each day.


• I'm going to be mindful while I'm in the shower/bath tub.

Right now, pick a time that isn't full of distractions. We want to start off easy, so pick a time that you won't have people or things vying for your attention.

Share with us in the comments below. What time did you pick? And have you ever practiced mindfulness before?

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How to Calm Your Inner Thoughts

[caption id="attachment_84" align="alignleft" width="300"] This chimp may not be a monkey, but he knows what's going on.[/caption]

An "Ah ha" moment.

I realized something very interesting about myself recently and I want to share it with you because I know that this will also apply to many of you. But before I get to my realization, I want to give you a little bit of back-story. Bear with me here, I promise it's relevant!

A while ago, I was lying in bed unable to fall asleep, despite it being nearly 1am. This is typical for me - this difficulty falling asleep. I don't have insomnia or any other condition that prevents me from sleeping. My problem lies squarely on top of my shoulders, in the region centered between my ears. It seems that my brain just doesn't want to shut off most nights. This monkey brain jumps from thought to thought effortlessly and often.

That night, my fiance just happened to be awake still (despite having to wake up at 6:30am), so I started chatting with him about random stuff. This usually happens when he has been unfortunate enough to not fall asleep right away. Poor guy. Then he asked me such a simple question, which he has asked me many times before:

"Why do you always start conversations in the middle of the night? We sit on the couch, you're quiet. We go to bed, you're a chatterbox. What's up with that?"

For the longest time, I always told him something along the lines of "This is just when stuff occurs to me." But that night, something clicked in my head. Suddenly, the answer was crystal clear.

My monkey brain runs rampant at night because that's the only time I let him out of his cage.

Think about it.

What happens when you come home from work and let your little puppy out of her cage? She runs wild with excitement, wanting kisses and hugs, and a trip to the bathroom more than likely.

What happens to little kids when they first step outside after being cooped up inside on a rainy day? Or that wondrous moment when the final bell rings on the last day of school before summer vacation? The only word to describe what happens, is chaos.

So what makes our thoughts any different?

With all of our gadgets, electronics, TV shows, sports, and hobbies, we're doing everything in our power to silence our inner thoughts. Whether this is intentional or unintentional, it has a huge impact on our lives, and ultimately, our identities. When we suppress our thoughts, slowly we begin to lose touch with ourselves.

If we're trying to forget about something bad in our lives, or some traumatic event, suppressing our thoughts can help us out for a short while, but what happens on one extreme, tends to happen on another. As we ignore our negative feelings, we ignore our positive feelings. Sad becomes less sad. Happy become less happy. Essentially, we can become little more than a robot, going through the motions of our day, but giving little thought to our actions and experiences. In essence, we stop feeling. We stop living.

And so, in unguarded moments, when we have nary a thing to distract us, our brain reacts much like the puppy the moment she is sprung from her metal cell. It's trying to set loose as many thoughts as it can, because it knows it only has a limited amount of time with our undivided attention.

Going beyond the distractions

So now that we know what's going on, we have to decide what to do about it. Below is a list of simple things that you can do during your day to increase your awareness of not only your thoughts, but of your surroundings as well. Don't feel like you have to implement all of them at once - feel free to pick and choose. But over time, you can slowly add more of them to your daily routines. I know that they have certainly helped me to relax more, think more creatively, feel much more happiness and contentment, and oh yeah, fall asleep quicker.

1. Take a mental time-out. Take a few moments to stop what you're doing, whether it's work, watching television (commercials are great for this), or browsing the internet, and just simply be. Sit still, take a deep breath, and let your mind go where it wants to go. Don't restrict your thoughts, nothing is off limits. Imagine that you are in a river and your thoughts are the water. Go with the flow. Feel free to daydream if you like.

2. Don't be afraid of the "bad" thoughts. Hard, painful, and sad thoughts are exactly what they sound like - and they can hurt like the dickens. But we can't be afraid of them. We can't live in fear of thinking of something that makes us sad. Don't force yourself to think of them, but don't prevent it either. Remember, good can't exist without bad, happy can't exist without sad. To have one, you must have another to compare it to.

3. Pay attention. Mindfulness seems to be a hot word going around these days, but it's not just a fad. It's an absolutely essential tool in our lives. As kids we got report cards to monitor our progress. As working adults we get employee evaluations. No matter what you call them, they both accomplish the same thing - being mindful of our situation and our progress. Imagine trying to drive from Miami, FL to Seattle, WA for the first time, without a map or a GPS, and simply driving by "feeling" (oh and no asking for directions!). It would be pretty hard, right? You'd be just as likely to end up in Mexico as you would Washington.

• Keep track of what you do in a day. Write it out.


• Make notes of when you're distracted and when you aren't.


• 
  
  Notice how much time is spent on distractions and see what's left over. It shocked me to discover that bedtime was the only time I wasn't doing "something".

4. Leave your distractions at home. If you're going to work or an appointment, or maybe a meeting, just leave the distractions at home. I know that if I have to go somewhere and wait for a long time (like the doctor's office), I like to bring a book or my laptop with me. But once in a while, skip it. Just sit there and wait. Allow your mind to entertain you. If you have to do something, then find something to do that doesn't require "doing" anything, like taking a walk in the hallways or outside.

Your turn

What is your biggest distraction? Think about how much mental free-time you give yourself. Does the answer surprise you? Let me know in the comments.

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Photo courtesy of Meneer Zjeroen