De-stress a Stressful Situation (Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness Pt 3)

This is part three of the Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness. This is  a four-part series in which I discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness and I provide you simple techniques for incorporating the practice into your daily life. If you missed it, you catch up by reading  Part 1 and Part 2.

When an unexpected situation comes up, it's easy to get caught up in your emotions. Before you know it, the situation has spiraled out of control— you're angry or hurt and everyone else involved is wishing they were anywhere else but there. Like stuck in a bear trap. Or visiting their in-laws.

But it really can be easier than that. It is possible to take stress in stride and not let it get the best of you.  Here's how to tackle three common sources of stress that most, if not all of us, have faced at some time or another.

1. When you don't like what you see

Do you like looking in the mirror? Or like many others does the thought of looking lovingly at your reflection spark a level of loathing usually reserved for your mortal enemies?

Maybe you're somewhere in the middle of these extremes, but the truth is that many people take no pleasure from looking in the mirror or at photos taken of them. And when they do happen to look in the mirror, all they seem to focus on is what is too ugly, or too fat, or too whatever.

I've been there. I remember when looking in the mirror meant tears - of shame, defeat, and despair. It meant imagining the horrible things that other people were surely saying about me. Thankfully, I was able to accept, not only my body, but that worrying about what others think is a waste of time.

But how do you get past it? 

Common advice for improving self-image is to compliment yourself every time you see your reflection. But for some, this can actually be counter-effective. If the aversion to your physical appearance is so strongly ingrained in your beliefs, then complimenting yourself often can feel like such a bald-faced lie that the logical side of you will completely reject the idea. This of course, leads to you giving up altogether.

Practicing mindfulness in this situation can provide the middle ground that is needed to overcome that feeling of lying to yourself, because instead of telling yourself how great you are, or how horrible you are, you are simply saying, "Yes, I see you. I will not judge what I see."

Say to your reflection: "Yes, I see you. I will not judge what I see." Click to tweet this quote.

And once you're comfortable with accepting what you see, you can progress toward more positive thoughts.

2. When you're in a hurry

You have 15 minutes left on your lunch hour. All you want to do is pay for the 3 tiny little items you need for dinner tonight. And the grocery store has one checkout open (out of twenty) and the line is snaking down aisle 3 into the deli department.

Oh. Hell. No.

I’ll admit it, I'm not the most patient person in the world. Or anywhere close. But I have learned a few ways to deal with impatience when it comes up and not to let it take control of me.

Anticipate delays. This is oh so important. Many times it isn't the delay that bothers us so much, but the fact that it took us by surprise. We like to be in control and when something happens that we can't control, it throws us for a loop. When I'm expecting to wait, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as when it's sprung on me.

• Find out when the busy times are at your grocery store (just ask an employee) and avoid those times as much as possible. If you can't, be prepared to wait in line.


• If rush hour traffic makes your blood pressure surge, try finding a different route. Radio stations often share road blockages (including from car accidents) and The Weather Channel will give you a rush hour traffic report for your zip code.


• If you always find yourself a few minutes late to work because your kids just don't understand the urgency, try waking up just 5 minutes earlier. Make sure everyone's clothes and backpacks are ready the night before. You can even prepare for breakfast by putting out the bowls, spoons, and cereal (or any non-perishables) the night before as well.

Of course, you can't always prepare for a delay. When the world seems hellbent to keep you from your destination, it helps to have a plan of action, which I'll get to in a moment. First, I want to discuss the third situation— anger. Because impatience has a way of turning quickly to anger, the mindful solutions for both of them are very similar.

 

3. When you're angry

I used to say that my temper was like a sports car: It could go 0 - 60 in 3.5. It was easy to flare up and difficult to tame. But with some time and patience with myself, I am now able to keep calm under many circumstances that used to rev me up. Of course, I do still get angry. I mention this because it's important for you to realize that we can't control every emotion, nor would we want to (we are humans with feelings after all), but we can learn to moderate the emotions that aren't doing anything to help us or those around us.

Now, on to the good stuff!

Mindful Thought

 

• Begin with mindful breathing. Focus only on the breath. If you're finding it difficult to concentrate, try saying "In" on the inhale and "Out" on the exhale. Do this until you're calm or the delay has passed. Do not proceed to the next step until you are calm.


• Consider other points of view. The cashier is probably even more stressed than you— it isn't her fault that she's the only one at a register. Yelling at her, or making comments to others in line isn't going to make her work faster. Or maybe the problem is that a car accident is blocking traffic. Instead of thinking only of your plight, have compassion and consider what the person in the accident is going through.


• Ask yourself, "Is this getting me anywhere?" Regardless of how legitimate your impatience or anger is, you have to question what it's doing for you. Is it getting you to your destination faster? If the answer is no, and I'd wager that it is, then relax. Go back to your breathing if necessary.


• Get it out. Many of us hold in anger for a long time. It's unhealthy and despite what we tell ourselves, the only person it hurts is us. Try talking calmly to the person that has upset you. This is the best way to clear out the negative emotions. If you aren't ready for that step, or if the source of your anger isn't a person, there are other steps you can take, like writing out your frustrations. Writing a "letter" to the source of your anger (you don't actually send it) or keeping a journal gives you a way to expell those negative emotions in a healthy way. Write down all the emotions you're feeling and why you feel them. Pay attention to how your body reacts as well. Do you notice a change in your pulse or muscle tension? Note anything that crosses your mind.

"The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest." —Unknown

What methods to you use to keep calm in stressful situations? Please share in the comments below.

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